My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
