Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
