Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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