I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
