just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
