The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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