her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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