Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
