As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
