Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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