Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
