I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
