Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
