Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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