Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you guys were way drunker than both of me
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
