he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My ass is underappreciated
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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