He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
