i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
