Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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