oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
so much tequila, so little girl.
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