She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
