Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
