careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
is that a dick in a sweater?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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