What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
