That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
