I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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