One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
