Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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