i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
