So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
