My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
