I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
