Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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