and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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