my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
