how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
