I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
