Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
50% drunk capacity currently
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
