She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
