Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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