i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
