I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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