did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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