If that was your dad, he is hot
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
