yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Randomize
