Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
