Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
