this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
