just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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