My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
