he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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