I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
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