I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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