so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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