I'm really into asian looking animals
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
